Eventually
by insertcleverandwittytitlehere
Summary: Tonks is always finding herself in the same place: Remus's bed. But he just won't talk to her about it, and she knows it's because he thinks he's dirty. She knows that eventually he'll learn to love himself. Just like he's learned to secretly love her.


**A/N:** This was written for Hogwarts Open Day, Transfiguration: Hedgehog to Pincushion, Second Year. The pairing was RemusTonks.

 **Word Count** (before author's note) **:** 1,994 words

 **I own none of this world. It's all J.K.'s.**

* * *

Tonks rolled over, her bare skin grazing the body of the person next to her. Lazily, she threw an arm over Remus, nestling her face into his back. He liked to sleep curled up close to his pillow, while she tended to find herself burrowing into the blankets, barely using hers.

Dawn wasn't even creeping in through the blinds of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, but Tonks knew she should leave the room. There were guests in the house, for starters. Second, her cousin—the one who escaped Azkaban as an unregistered animagus—owned the place and additionally was Remus's closest friend. Finally, and this one stung to admit, Remus wasn't going to be happy about her presence. He never was, and after this scenario played out last time, ending in a heated row, she promised herself to never let it happen again.

Of course, when late night missions turned to flops, and those flops turned to talking, drinking, laughing, and so on, her reserve changed.

So there she was after another night of, well, something that felt so right despite all the wrong Remus constantly preached. Tonks breathed deeply. Ten more minutes, and then she would scurry back to her own room before Sirius, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, or Remus himself could realize she was there.

 _Remus will remember though_ , Tonks thought. She was just happy that all of the Weasley brood and co. were back at school. She couldn't begin to imagine trying to hide a night romp like this with that Hermione in the house. And Ginny would have known something was up from the blush Tonks was sure to have at breakfast.

Just thinking about the kids made Tonks sit up. She had to leave now before Remus woke, because he wasn't going to be sweet or kind about any of it. He'd see her, immediately turn away, pull on some pants, and leave for a shower. Tonks knew he didn't want to be so cold about any of it—he'd said so the first time it had ever happened—but it still hurt. All she wanted was for him to be pleased to have her all to himself. She wanted to talk more, laugh more.

Love more.

She was just finishing up pulling on her pants when Remus stirred. Tonks bent down and placed a tender kiss on his temple, knowing this would be the closest thing to a sober sign of affection she'd get to have with him.

"Sorry…" she whispered to herself more so than him. This was ridiculous, putting herself in the same destructive situation almost every week. Her hand gripped the doorknob tightly. Her knuckles started to turn white. She forced air out of her nostrils and promised again that this was it, no matter what her heart told her.

"For what it's worth," his voice was gruff, quiet, "I'm not."

Tonks turned, her pink hair falling into her eyes. But she dared not move it, afraid Remus would get distracted and not finish his thoughts. He had sat up, letting the sheets fall around his waist. His brown hair was mussed up, his face surprisingly worry free for once.

It was his eyes that killed her. She saw the shame in them, the torment and torture he inflicted upon himself.

"I'm not sorry," he reiterated. Tonks nodded and left. That was definitely an improvement, though the words didn't quite meet his eyes yet.

* * *

Down at breakfast, Sirius was reading the Daily Prophet. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were taking refuge at Grimmauld Place after Mr. Weasley's stint with You-Know-Who's snake. Mrs. Weasley was preparing for everyone slabs of bacon and bowls of oatmeal. Remus was playing with his spoon, listening to Kingsley, whose head was protruding from the kitchen fireplace. Mad-Eye was in the corner of the room, his magic eye fixed on something above them.

"Wotcher," Tonks said to her mentor and boss. "Mornin' all."

She grabbed two bowls from Molly, shoved one into Mad-Eye's hands, and set the other in front of Sirius. Tonks sat down next to him, and Molly placed a bowl in front of her, a small smile on her face.

The poor woman looked drained. The holidays had ended three days ago, and with the departure of all the children, Molly had finally let her guard down. She was tough, but she was still human. Tonk's cousin was much the same; Harry was going through a lot, more than a lot, and once he had left, Sirius was back to his moody, sullen self. Tonks looked at his face, which was scrutinizing the Prophet. He was still handsome after all those years in Azkaban. But he was also drained, and that pulled at her heart strings.

"Nymphadora, this'll involve you too," Kingsley said. Tonks snapped her attention to the man in the fireplace. Instead of arguing with him about her name, she shut her lips. Remus was looking at her with the ghost of a smile on his face, causing a blush to creep up Tonks's neck. For a moment, she was reminded of how she didn't mind her full name quite so much when Remus was moaning that exact word into her neck the night before.

"Y-yes?" She swallowed hard. Remus turned back to Kingsley as well, but not before his eyes met hers.

"We've heard rumors that You-Know-Who will be taking refuge at Thorfinn Rowle's home. I need you two to stake it out," he turned his attention to Mad-Eye. "It'll be all night, so you'll need to find someone to go with you to the Carrows' old place. There's definitely activity going on there, despite the abandonment of thehome after the First War.

"Oh, and before I go. Molly, we're keeping an eye on Hogwarts. I'm not sure if Dumbledore told you. Dolores is, well, Ministry approved, but the Order decided to send over a few people to check around the grounds once a week. No one likes that Dolores is there—except Fudge, naturally—and we all know what _he_ thinks."

Sirius snorted beside Tonks. She looked at him curiously, so he laid the paper down in front of him. "It's all right here, the list of rubbish Fudge thinks."

Kingsley smiled. "Yes, well. Ministry run paper means Ministry propaganda."

"Everyone clear on their instructions then?" Mad-Eye cut in. "Good. Shacklebolt, you've been away too long. Get back to work."

"Welcoming as ever, Alastor," Kingsley laughed. "But you're right. I'll check in tomorrow."

And with a small pop, he was gone.

* * *

It was nearly three in the morning, and the only thing that had happened at the Rowle residence was a stray cat fight. It was freezing, the ground was covered in snow, the home itself was in shambles, and Tonks could not, for the life of her, imagine any Dark Lord would chose this particular abode as his refuge. When she said so to Remus, he told her that that would be a perfect reason for the Dark Lord to be there: it's unexpected.

"I don't know," she mulled through the circumstances again. They were perched behind a row of bushes, hidden behind numerous protective enchantments. "Rowle wasn't a Death Eater for the glory. If anything, he does it for the brutish mentality. You-Know-Who is more cunning than that. More snooty, too, from the reports I've read."

"Snooty?" Remus had to suppress a chuckle. "You don't hear that every day about the darkest wizard our world's seen."

"Well," Tonks moved her hands up and down like scales as she spoke, "on one hand, he was raised in poverty, so it's not like he can't manage a place like Rowle's."

"But on the other?" Remus prompted, his eyes still trained on the home.

"On the other, he grew up in Muggle poverty. And he hates that side of his life. So naturally—"

"Naturally he'd want to rise above it."

"Exactly," she smiled. Remus turned to face her briefly, and Tonks felt her heart skip a beat. She wanted so badly to repeat what had happened last night. To just get lost in each other, feel one's heartbeat close to the other's.

Tonks knew she loved him. Tonks knew he loved her. He said it once, while drunk, and then refused to acknowledge it in bed the next morning while he was wrapped around her. If only he could see how much she cared. But she knew he wasn't looking for that in her. What Remus saw was that he was a werewolf, and everything surrounding that part of him meant dirty. She hated it.

"You know, it sort of reminds me of Sirius sometimes," he said off-handedly.

"The Dark Lord reminds you of Sirius?"

Now he was staring directly at her. Everything about him was smiling, even his eyes, as she gaped at him.

"Please, do tell, so that when we get back, he can hex you into oblivion after I fill him in on the details."

"Oh, come off it, Dora," Remus nudged her with his shoulder. "I mean the rising above it thing. You-Know-Who wants to rise above his Muggle childhood. Sirius is working hard to rise above his own family lineage. I remember when we were back at Hogwarts, he wanted so badly to leave home."

"He still wants so badly to leave home," she said. Then she held up her hand to silence Remus; there was movement in the house.

Both looked forlornly at the building, waiting to see if they'd need to strike or flee. They waited for almost fifteen minutes in silence, watching.

"False alarm," Remus whispered. "I think the window's open. The curtains moved with the breeze."

Tonks began to relax, but now that he'd said it, she felt the breeze too. It was bitingly cold that late at night. She shivered. Remus, noticing, moved the tiniest bit closer to her. That's when she had had enough, and instead of letting the man she loved continue to falter at every romantic gesture, Tonks seized Remus's arm and wrapped it around her shoulders. She situated herself into the crook of his arm, and then she felt hi relax into her.

"So, Sirius…" she prompted. She wanted to hear Remus talk more, but Tonks knew he'd never mention what was happening between them. And, after all, he was the one to bring up Sirius in the first place. She felt it was safe to stick to that topic. "He's still handsome, isn't he, even after Azkaban?*"

Remus stiffened beside her. "Of course."

"What?" Tonks took a step back from him. His tone was significantly darker, and she was afraid something went wrong. Looking at his face, she could see he wasn't thrilled with her at all.

"I suppose you've fallen for him then, eh?" he sounded extremely bitter. Under his breath, she heard him mumble, "He always got the women.*"

At first, she wanted to laugh. Sirius was _family_. Then she became seethingly angry. Hadn't she woken up in Remus's bed this morning?

"You'd know perfectly well who I've fallen for, if you weren't too busy feeling sorry for yourself to notice,*" she spat.

He looked like he'd been smacked clear across the face. Then a smile played at his lips, and Tonks couldn't remember a time he looked quite as pleased. But as quickly as the joy came, it vanished. She should have known he'd never talk about it. He was still afraid of his illness to reciprocate her feelings.

At least she knew they were there.

"Besides, Sirius is my cousin, Remus. On my mother's side."

"Oh," was all he could muster. Tonks turned back to the house, her neck burning from blushing. A few seconds later, Remus had his arm around her again, and they remained like that, in silence, the rest of the watch.

 _Eventually_ , she told herself. _He'll come around._ He just needed time to see that he was worth everything to her.

* * *

 *** quotes taken directly from Pottermore.**


End file.
